The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills opened this week with Yolanda fixing a salad. When we woke up, Suzanne Somers was questioning Lisa Vanderpump's sex drive.
Cut to Brandi Glanville at a burlesque class, admitting her ex-husband, Eddie Cibrian "tried to save their marriage" by buying her a stripper pole for their bedroom. Now the statuesque beauty is hosting Brandi's Night School for Girls in Vegas, teaching other divorcees to "empower" themselves through exotic dance. Take that, Eddie!
(How amazing are Brandi's splits? Maybe after seeing this episode, party performer Kyle Richards will keep her own legs together? We can hope!)
Still reeling about the Must-Not-Be-Named Private Family Secret, Adrienne and Paul drop by Casa Richards to celebrate Sophia's sixth-grade graduation. This is their first opportunity to thank wannabe-anything Faye Resnick for defending their honor/bullying Brandi.
Why hello, Mauricio's handsome dad! He's at the bash alongside Estelle, showing off her new facelift courtesy of the aforementioned Dr. Nassif. (Think she appreciated her doctor calling Mark Wahlberg while performing the surgery?)
Next to go under the knife is Kim Richards. When a plastic surgeon with a conscience (not Paul!) refused to do any other work on her face, she decided to get a nose job. When did rhinoplasty replace retail therapy?
Back in Malibu, Yolanda is fixing chicken for her husband and "king." Nap time! We were awakened this time by blunt Brandi telling Marisa, "Your husband is more in love with you than you are with him." This is how Brandi is showing her "softer side"? ("I don't want them to think of me as the girl who says STFU all the time.")
Actually, instead of fighting, the women expressed their mutual admiration for Mr. Zanuck. Cheers! But not Mr. Cibrian. Even Kyle voices her sympathy after Brandi opens up about her husband's public affair with LeAnn Rimes. Dinner then takes a very raunchy turn, with the women cackling about female genitalia while Lisa reapplies her eyeliner at the table.
The next morning, the hungover ladies are greeted at the pool by Yolanda, who once again lectures them about nutrition so they can live to be 100 like Suzanne Somers. Then it's off to the studio where "real Vegas showgirls" will "empower" them.
"Isn't Adrienne upset you're not supporting her business by stripping at Palms?" cackles Lisa, referring to the absentee Housewife's outrage when Pandora's mum held her bachelorette bash at a different hotel than the Maloofs' property.
That memorable Vegas weekend saw Lisa onstage gyrating onstage with a Chippendales dancer, whom she called a Chipmunk. This time, Lisa declares, "I don't want to wrap my legs around anything in Vegas--not a Chipmunk or a pole."
We'll see about that next week when the pole-dancing class is in full swing (ba-dum-bump). That's nothing compared to the showdown teased between Camille and Lisa. What riposte will the restaurateur offer when Camille accuses her of lying about owning Sur?
Maybe Stassi of Vanderpump Rules is secretly bankrolling the joint?