Lisa Vanderpump's mad tea party ends with another showdown between Adrienne and Brandi.
If Lisa Vanderpump expected her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills co-stars to behave themselves at another elegant tea party, she should've served Earl Grey instead of rosé.
But did anyone really expect cucumber finger sandwiches to repair the rift between Brandi Glanville and Adrienne Maloof?
The extravagant affair had a fabulous launch. Jax and Peter, Sur's sexy bartenders and the stars of Vanderpump Rules, served as "party favors" for the cougarific coterie.
But Taylor Armstrong arrived with an agenda. (That, and a vibrator for her hostess, whose husband just had surgery. But as Brandi noted, "I'm thinking she could've got her butt beads or something special.")
The last tea party, you see, turned into an intervention of sorts when Camille Grammer spoke up about Taylor's abusive relationship with her husband. (Russell Armstrong committed suicide in 2011.)
So now, Taylor decided to "speak her mind." After the ladies joked about Taylor's butt-baring gymnastics performance in Ojai, she found a way to interject a crack about lawsuits.
"Everyone likes to sue everyone," she said, silencing even Faye Resnick. (Whom Lisa didn't invite, incidentally--she crashed the party with Kyle in Adrienne's limo.)
Unfortunately, Kyle tried to change the subject by mentioning her annual White Party--the same event Taylor and her husband got turned away at the door because Russell threatened to sue Camille for her domestic violence comments.
While Lisa desperately tried to defuse the situation by asking Brandi and Taylor to help her in the kitchen, Adrienne vehemently denied to the rest of the table that she was suing Brandi. And she reiterated her denial when Brandi returned.
("I don't know if she's giving me a free pass and we should high-five," Brandi quips in her interview.)
But Adrienne's denials--whether it's a lawsuit, an attorney letter or a gag order--don't really hold water (or rosé), and no one at the table (including Faye) jumped to her defense. She tried to deflect by bringing up a Twitter spat with Brandi, who accused her camp of selling stories to the tabloids.
("My accuser has become the perpetrator," Lisa cackles later.)
Then, when Brandi insists she has proof that Adrienne's priggish chef Bernie was contacting the press, Adrienne shouted, "Shame on you!"
She's clearly outraged that Brandi has identified him while the cameras rolled--but this time Bravo wasn't compelled to censor the footage. (Maybe because Adrienne's now ex, Paul Nassif, is reportedly suing Bernie for blackmail and extortion?)
Adrienne's credibility was further strained when she denied receiving an apology from Brandi--when Brandi had cc'd everyone at the table with her mea culpa email. Oops.
Considering Camille's admitted lie at their last get-together in Vegas, Brandi is the most believable of the bunch. She may not say the nicest things, but has she ever been caught out in a fib?
The party ended with Brandi dropping a few F-bombs and walking out. "Remind me to never come to one of your tea parties again," Kyle cracked to Lisa. That quip might come back to haunt her at her next White Party.
Two people escaped the drama: Yolanda (with whom we've suddenly fallen head-over-heels in love) and Kim.
Kim topped even Kim with her last-minute excuse for missing the party.
"I got hit in my face!" the ditzy blonde told Lisa, who gasped aloud in horror (as did we). She then explained that the perp was just a puppy who knocked her nose--still in a splint from her recent rhinoplasty.
Yolanda, meanwhile, was hosting a yard sale so her daughter could have another horse. Not really, but it is a shame that they "can't afford" two or three horses like the young equestrian's other friends.
Despite her poverty, Yolanda is not afraid of Adrienne.
"Who is Adrienne Maloof in this world?" she reassures Brandi. "Adrienne is a very insecure woman using her rich girl power to intimidate people. In the big picture, she's nobody."
Next week, Brandi and Adrienne hash it out at the White Party, Taylor has a mysterious tryst and Kim debuts her new nose!