Where to begin?
How about Adrienne Maloof, whose surprise finale appearance was also her last on the show? (She refused to attend the reunion and was reportedly fired by Bravo.)
Knowing that Lisa Vanderpump and her husband were celebrating 30 years of marriage by renewing their vows, Adrienne showed up late to their party--mere hours after she announced, via tabloid, her split from her own husband.
Like a queen at court, Adrienne was quickly surrounded by her sycophantic attendants, including a sobbing Kyle Richards. No offense, but (1) no one died, (2) it's hard to imagine how Kyle could be so emotionally invested in a woman who not only didn't confide in her about her marital problems but chose to announce her separation on the Internet instead of telling her "friends."
After a group hug from her BFFs, Adrienne hurried back home--without a word to her hosts. No wonder Lisa had second thoughts about going through with her vow ceremony.
Besides, Adrienne wasn't the only one who seemed determined to spoil the soiree.
After attacking Brandi Glanville, Faye Resnick then slammed Lisa for using the truth bomber as her personal mouthpiece in her feud with Adrienne.
Brandi definitely wasn't speaking for Lisa when she suggested Marisa and her husband spice up their marriage with an infidelity "hall pass." To Lisa's horror, Brandi clarified that she wasn't joking when she texted her helpful hint to the husband--dissing Mrs. Zanuck.
As the catfighting circle widened and shrank, Kim harshed on her sister for not harshing enough on Brandi for implying she did drugs in the bathroom at the famous game night party. Ancient history? Maybe, but the newly sober Kim is apparently feeling a lot of wounds as if they were freshly inflicted.
In fact, she said Kyle's outing her as an alcoholic on the show and Brandi's comments about drug use were nearly fatal. "It did affect my kids and me and almost killed me." Yikes.
Speaking of illicit bathroom activity, Faye refuses to back down on her allegation that Brandi had sex in Kyle's daughter's bathroom at the White Party. Brandi and Lisa insist it was just a snog, but maybe Brandi doesn't know the precise definition of the British slang?
At last, RHOBH's adorable Brits--Lisa and Ken, along with Giggy the Pom--did renew their vows in one of the most touching scenes in the history of the show. It's rare to see Lisa let her guard down, and after all that went down this season, it was a lovely to see the season end on such a positive note.
Before moving on to the reunion, we learned a few updates about the cast:
- Yolanda is being treated for Lyme disease, which she didn't get from her lemon trees.
- Paul was dating a 27-year-old pageant queen, while Adrienne got her cougar on with Rod Stewart's 32-year-old son.
- Taylor's boyfriend still isn't officially divorced.
Lisa bashed Adrienne for "changing the boundaries" of reality TV: "How can you go into reality show with so many secrets and then get litigious every time somebody brings something up?"
Brandi defended herself in the brouhaha, saying that Adrienne "started it" and she was only "exposing the fact that she consistently lied."
"I'm a happy, sweet, fun-lovin' person until you cross me-and then I will cut a b****," she insisted. (Again, to Lisa's horror.)
Brandi also expressed her theory on why Adrienne joined the show when she had so many skeletons in her closet.
Then she proceeded to cut a b****: "Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy fame...and she wanted it desperately." Ouch! (It's also pretty astute, no?)
Yolanda also came to play, saying that the women snubbed her at first and she was standoffish to "protect [her] heart."
Kim cried about (1) Yolanda's assertion that she flaked out on meeting up with her, and (2) Taylor's drinking.
Taylor admitted she relied too heavily on alcohol to cope with her husband's tragic suicide, but is now "madly in love" with the attorney who helped her through legal troubles." Sure, he was married when they hooked up, but Taylor claims he and his wife had been living apart, now he's in a protracted divorce.
When Kyle took her turn on the hot seat, Lisa said she cozied up to Adrienne because she and her realtor husband wanted the listing on Adrienne's house. And her own relationship changed with Kyle and Maurico after they sold Lisa's house. (How fitting that it then went up in flames.)
Yolanda also called Kyle "two-faced and catty," but Kyle and Kim called her out on talking behind Lisa's back in Paris. Yolanda denied it, but she can always blame her Lyme disease, which affected her cognitive function and caused her to call Taylor an "a**hole" because she could hardly speak.
When the reunion continues next week, Kyle and Kim call Brandi "mean," Brandi calls Mauricio a "coward," and Kim defends her sobriety. Whee!