True Blood is back! And so is Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer). But who (or what) is Bill Compton, exactly? One thing's for sure: He's not Sookie's (Anna Paquin) boyfriend. Alas, neither is Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård)-or even Alcide Herveaux, who's become an alpha dog surrounded by bitches in heat (aka just another day for Joe Manganiello).
Here are the six scariest, sexiest, saddest moments from the Season 6 premiere-and a tease of what's to come...
1. You Can't Kill Bill: Bloody Billith is no more, but just because he took a shower and put on some clothes doesn't mean he's a chivalrous Southern gentleman again. In fact, when Eric and Sookie tried to stake him-which basically had the same effect on him as a splinter-he became downright inhospitable. Immortality isn't his only new gift; Bill 2.0 is also one trenchcoat short of a full-on Neo. While he sent off the Scooby supes, Jessica stayed to "keep him honest" steer him away from the power-hungry madness of William Sherman. (Too late? The ruthless Northern general didn't have Lilith clones dancing around in his head. At least that isn't taught in the history curriculum.)
2. Sookie Kicks Eric to the Curb: Boo! To show his gratitude to Sookie for saving him, Eric signed over the deed to her house. So how did she thank the Nordic god among men? She rescinded her open invitation. If she ever decides to throw housewarming party, it's going to be pretty cold without this hottie.
3. The Hitcher: Jason Stackhouse, don't you know hitchhiking and Rutger Hauer are a lethal combination? Sure, he claims to be your grandpa and could save your sister, but we suspect Niall Brigant's got another passenger aboard-Warlow, the mighty vampire who killed your parents. Don't trust those piercing blue eyes.
4. It's Hard Out Here for a Vampire: Thanks to Billith's shenanigans, the humans are declaring war on the vampires, imposing a statewide curfew and shuttering all their businesses. (There's still some hope for Fangtasia, though, since the governor's made a backdoor deal with the Tru Blood manufacturers. If "God hates fangs," the politicians love their tax dollars.)
5. It's Pretty Awesome Out Here for a Werewolf: Packmasters enjoy fantastic perks-and we're not just talking free gym memberships. Alcide now has his pick of the litter, and his "number one bitch" is happy to share. In a word: Threesomes!
6. Daddy Duty: Kids grow up so fast, don't they? In Andy's case, his quadruplets are aging so fast he's able to skip diaper duty and go directly to Justin Bieber posters. Meanwhile, with Luna's death (RIP!), Sam's got custody of her daughter Emma-which really means more babysitting money for Lafayette.