True Blood is really heaping on the sads this season: Sookie learns the terrible truth about her parents and Eric faces an almost certain death (nooooo!). Could Warlow save the supes? True Blood is really heaping on the sads this season, no? In fact, almost everyone was feeling the pain in this week's episode, "F--- the Pain Away." Let's break down Bon Temps' terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day:
1. Terrible: The moment we've all been dreading arrived at the very end of the episode: Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) and Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) faced off gladiator-style in the Vamp Camp's Hunger Games chamber -- orchestrated by the Newlins! Will the vampire counterparts of Katniss and Peeta devise an escape plan? Or will one of them be this season's "major character death"? How can we survive the loss of Eric Northman? We would expect nothing less than True Blood's true hero to follow the example of his maker, Godric, and commit suicide rather than kill his own former progeny. Say it ain't so!
2. Horrible: So Warlow's (Rob Kazinsky) not really a big bad after all? He sure seemed convincing when he declared his undying love for Sookie (Anna Paquin). As proof, he claimed her parents tried to kill their own daughter -- and they died because he was trying to save her. Whoa!
3. No Good: Sookie actually believed Warlow, but her trust issues with vampires understandably make her doubt herself. So she enlisted Lafayette to summon her parents' spirits to learn the truth. Unfortunately, Corbett Stackhouse possessed Lafayette. Not only did he confirm his daughter's worst fears, but he used Lafayette to try to kill her again! Unlike Eric and Pam, we're pretty confident True Blood's star will survive the attempted drowning, but can't the poor girl just enjoy five minutes of happiness?
4. Very Bad: Andy Bellefleur learns from his only surviving daughter that Jessica slaughtered her sisters, and that Bill (Stephen Moyer) was experimenting with their blood. Her punishment is already being taken care of, thanks to Sarah Newlin. After seducing Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten), the fervid LAVTFer discovers that he dated Jess and has the "demon whore" arrested and hauled off to the vamp camp. At least she has company (for now): Pam, Eric, Tara and even poor Willa Burrell are all lab rats facing either death or cruel experiments.
5. Other Trouble: A guilt-ridden Terry Bellefler begged an old Marine sniper buddy to kill him (is it wrong to hope that he bites the dust instead of the vamps?), and Alcide's (Joe Manganiello) dad spotted Fugitive Sam after a nasty encounter with the pack master at a dive bar -- aptly and wonderfully named the Unfriendly Possum.
With just about everyone behaving like an unfriendly possum, here's hoping Warlow and Sookie can work a little faerie magic and teach these Bon Temps baddies a little manners.