'True Blood': Won't You Come Home, Eric Northman?

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Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård) shot away into the sky like a superhero after meting out bloody vampire justice on True Blood. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård) shot away into the sky like a superhero at the end of True Blood Sunday night. For his sake, we hope he's got an interview with the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.--the team would definitely benefit from the unique skills of a hot vampire. The only downside is that its prime-time slot on ABC means no nudity.

The only upside of this episode--the last before next Sunday's Season 6 finale--is that Eric exacted his revenge against the LAVTF and "scientists" torturing his peeps before he took off. To the tune of Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine" (at least that was the soundtrack playing in our heads), he slaughtered every guard in his wake. That meant a lotta dismemberment--he collected their arms like firewood to open the security doors and free the vamps. But angry Eric saved the most gruesome punishment for Dr. Overlark, the camp's Josef Mengele, dismembering his, um, member before Bill stomped on his head when he passed through later.

Infused with Warlow's SPF One Billion blood, Bill (Stephen Moyer) let his Bon Temps buddies feast on him like kittens as Sarah Newlin opened the roof above their heads. Unfortunately--especially for us fans of her ex-husband--the feeding kitty-cats shunted Steve Newlin aside like a runt, and he exploded in flames. At least Jason let Sarah escape, so we better see the perky proselytizer again.

But the most awful thing that happened in this episode was Terry Bellefleur's funeral. Not only was it 10 times longer than any service we've ever attended, but it happened in real-time. Can't the actors have conducted this ceremony in private, without the cameras rolling? They might have loved Terry Bellefleur and the actor who played him, but we used his scenes for potty breaks. And just when we thought we were finally freed from his boring storylines, they peppered the funeral with flashbacks. Argh! Now our carpal tunnel syndrome is acting up again thanks to constant fast-forwarding.

When the episode (which seemed to last longer than a PBS miniseries) was finally over, we got up and danced around like the vampires in the sun (including Bill, whom Jessica saved using his own sloppy seconds blood). Is their condition permanent--like Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Warlow's (Rob Kazinsky) betrothal? We hope not on all counts, because (1) Sookie should have fun being single for once in her life, and (2) let's face it, most of these vamps look better in the dark.

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