Fortunately, there is a solution. The San Francisco Zoo is allowing people to "adopt" a hissing cockroach, or giant scorpion if you prefer, in honor of that special someone who is no longer quite as special.
The cost to "adopt" the cockroach is $25, but if you're feeling particularly angry at your ex, you can spring for the scorpion, which is double the cost at $50. "Fallen prey to love's cruel sting? Consider adopting the giant hairy scorpion, the largest in North America, for an unsuspecting victim," the page advertises.
Of course, your ex isn't actually going to get a cockroach or a scorpion in the mail, but getting a letter saying someone adopted a scorpion or cockroach in your name still sends a pretty strong message. And for added effect, the scorpion package comes with a stuff animal scorpion. Appropriate, considering that's pretty much the anti-traditional stuffed teddy bear Valentine's gift.
The good news is that the money is going to a good cause. The site explains that the donation will be used to support the insects and 'further the San Francisco Zoological Society's mission to connect people to wildlife, inspire caring for nature, and advance conservation action."
So, it's win-win! Do you have anyone you'd want to send a cockroach or scorpion-gram to?