In the year 2015, old-fashioned, conventional dating is next to impossible. So what do we have to resort to, ladies? Our smart phones. A date used to consist of our suitors calling us on Wednesday to ask us out for Saturday, picking us up at our parents' house in hopes of getting the stamp of approval from our over-protective fathers, and going out to see a movie followed by drinking one milkshake out of two straws. Today, however, our dating lives are just sitting on a couch in our friend's apartment while swiping left and swiping right with a glass of wine in hand. Yes, we consider that "dating."
But for some unimaginable reason, apps including Tinder, Bumble and JSwipe only provide us with our mobile beaus' first names, and honestly, we don't F with that.
If all we're working with is "Harry" or "Liam" or "Niall," how in God's name are we supposed to know if this particular Harry, Liam or Niall has a criminal record from a past of chopping up neighborhood cats? Or if he attends Cosplay conventions in some forest somewhere every weekend? These are details we need to know before we agree to go on a face-to-face, IRL date with Harry, Liam or Niall. And this is how we do it: the "connect through contacts" trick.
Note: For this genius hack to work, you must save Harry, Liam or Niall's number in your phone book. V serious about this. We mean life or death.
Step 1: Facebook
The first stop on our mobile stalking tour is none other than Facebook. Since, everybody who's anybody has a Facebook, we've found that this is the social platform with the highest success rate. Click into the "Friends" page that is located in "More" section. Click "Contacts," and scroll through until you find Harry, Liam or Niall and his last name. If you can't find him on Facebook, he might just into the whole Elvis/Madonna "I'm-cool-enough-to-be-last-nameless" thing... but probably not. So, if H, L or N is still a mystery man, move on to step 2.
Step 2: Instagram
Instagram seems to be a bit less populated than our first choice, but it still does us right pretty often. Go to your profile page and click the settings wheel in the top right corner. Under "Follow People," there is a contacts option. Click there, and again scroll through in hopes of finding your prince (frog?) and his surname. Still no luck? Then we pull a Jay-Z and we're "on to the next one..."
Step 3: Twitter
Bonus points for H, L, or N if he has a Twitter. Even more bonus points if he uses the platform in a socially acceptable fashion. By that, we mean he doesn't argue relentlessly with Sports Center reporters who don't even give one of his 6,000 angry tweets the time of day, and he doesn't post shirtless mirror pics. The path to take on this one is: click the settings wheel in the top left corner then click "continue," and, voila! The names will appear out of thin air. Effing magic. (Hopefully).
Step 4: Snapchat
Finally, the end of the tour. The last resort, and the app with the lowest success rate (sorry 'bout it): Snapchat. This app is difficult in particular, because when you add someone, they usually appear as the name that they are saved in your address book (i.e. Harry would come up as "Harry," and nothing more, leaving us right where we started. Ugh). However, once you add Brandon, it is possible to see his username. At this point, we hope and we pray that his username is first and last name, because if it's "HarryTheBrit," we have officially lost the game and can give up on trying to prevent ourselves from going on a train wreck of a date.
Good luck, and may the swipe be ever in your favor, girlfriends!