12 Excuses for Releasing Your Inner Child and Refusing to Adult
Following in the trend of my fellow millennials, I have compiled a list of 12 reasons I refuse to adult today:
1. There is no food in my refrigerator, and there will not be any unless I go out and purchase it.
You never realize what a fantastic job Mom always did at keeping you fed until you open your refrigerator door to an apple and half a carton of almond milk, especially when those have been the solitary items in said refrigerator for two weeks.
2. I see a spider, and I do not want to kill it.
No, I don't care what you say. I am not being a big girl and killing that massive (i.e. size of a pencil eraser) spider crawling up the wall. I'm clearly still a child, so call someone else to kill the savage eight-legged beast.
3. My credit card company doesn't care that I'm having a rough time.
They do not care that Michael's was having a sale, that I desperately need my PSL fix or that I love Target. The point is, they just don't care, and now I have to sit here and try to figure out when exactly I spent all but $19 of my credit limit.
4. I've just learned the correct way to do laundry is NOT to dump everything from the basket into the washer and stuff it down.
Apparently, people actually take the time to separate clothing. Lights and darks is a real concept for grown-ups.
5. I have to call and make an appointment...on the phone...by myself.
I'm not even ashamed to admit that I still beg my Mom - on occasion - to call and pretend to be me on the phone. More often than not, I still end up on the phone trying to make sure I'll remember how to speak English when someone answers.
6. My paperwork? Yeah, yeah, it's coming. It's almost done, I swear.
NO. NO IT'S NOT. Because guess what? There is TOO MUCH of it and I need a minute, OK?
7. I need to take several naps, but I have several hundred things to do today.
I know I have three meetings and class, and I'm on duty tonight, but I'm sleepy!
8. I broke something else, and all the REAL adults are too far to come fix it.
Look, Mom, Dad, I know you're 150 miles away, but I don't know why the Keurig/computer/refrigerator/phone isn't working!
9. Everyone I know is getting married or having babies.
Look, I'm really happy for you and the Brady Bunch dream come alive, but I live alone and I still can't remember to feed my fish. Don't pressure me.
10. "...but no, Aunt Maggie, I don't have a boyfriend. No, it's not really that surprising actually."
Yes, I'm single. Yes, I'm generally really OK with it. No, there won't be any grandchildren any time soon.
11. I have a special blank stare on reserve for whenever someone asks me what I'm doing with the rest of my life.
Generally, I accompany this with the oh-so-classic, "That's a really good question."
12. People ask me for adult advice, and then I go to look for an adult, and, well...
No, no, I'm not a REAL adult. Yes, I realize I'm in my 20s, but let me go find someone a bit adultier to help you out with that.