My Biggest Fear: The Chase for Authentic Happiness
So really cool, huh? I work 20-30 hours a week, go to school, sit on a few eboards, meetings, write at least three articles a week and find time to try to have a glass of wine when I can. That's all great and wonderful, but sometimes when I'm in a moment where I have a lot of time to myself and it's quiet, I begin to think about if this is how it will always be? How did I let myself become so infatuated and hungry with the work that I have already used it to fill the void of all my personal life's shortcomings: The boyfriend I should've given more attention to, the friend's birthday I should've gone home for or the weekend getaways I should have spent the money on?
At the age of 21, I have not prioritized as much of my life for happiness as the people around me have. It's my biggest fear that one day, I will wake up and regret it all no matter how happy every opportunity, accomplishment and award makes me feel now. I hope one day that idea of spending time with someone makes me feel better than the idea of going home and binge watching Netflix. I hope I'll enjoy living my own personal life instead of being crazy happy for someone else's. I hope brunch with a great group of girlfriends on a few Sundays puts a smile on my face. I hope my dad and I still get together for a good steak dinner and talk about everything under the sun like we do now.
My whole life, I have welcomed aging and growing older just fine. I'm use to the nagging responsibilities and everything in between about being an adult. I just believe that maybe I let too much of the fun part pass me by and that I should've cared more. I'm a "live your life" late bloomer after all. I hope I can play a little catch up with my girlfriends while I still have the time.