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My Biggest Fear: The Chase for Authentic Happiness

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I work hard. I thought everyone else did too until I came to college and witnessed mixed results and a crazy level of astonishment from other people who praised my work ethic. I am the can-do girl, the fixer, the MVP, Wonder Woman and The Olivia Pope who's come to save the day. That's not cockiness on my part. In fact, most of them are direct quotes from people in my life.

So really cool, huh? I work 20-30 hours a week, go to school, sit on a few eboards, meetings, write at least three articles a week and find time to try to have a glass of wine when I can. That's all great and wonderful, but sometimes when I'm in a moment where I have a lot of time to myself and it's quiet, I begin to think about if this is how it will always be? How did I let myself become so infatuated and hungry with the work that I have already used it to fill the void of all my personal life's shortcomings: The boyfriend I should've given more attention to, the friend's birthday I should've gone home for or the weekend getaways I should have spent the money on?

At the age of 21, I have not prioritized as much of my life for happiness as the people around me have. It's my biggest fear that one day, I will wake up and regret it all no matter how happy every opportunity, accomplishment and award makes me feel now. I hope one day that idea of spending time with someone makes me feel better than the idea of going home and binge watching Netflix. I hope I'll enjoy living my own personal life instead of being crazy happy for someone else's. I hope brunch with a great group of girlfriends on a few Sundays puts a smile on my face. I hope my dad and I still get together for a good steak dinner and talk about everything under the sun like we do now.

My whole life, I have welcomed aging and growing older just fine. I'm use to the nagging responsibilities and everything in between about being an adult. I just believe that maybe I let too much of the fun part pass me by and that I should've cared more. I'm a "live your life" late bloomer after all. I hope I can play a little catch up with my girlfriends while I still have the time.
(Cambio Col[lab] is a lab for young creators to showcase their passion and develop their voice. Like what you're seeing? Share it to support their effort!)


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