The 11 Emotional Stages of Shopping for the Perfect Pair of Jeans

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Shopping for jeans: Three words that seem so simple but inspire so much fear and frustration, it's a wonder this piece of clothing is known as a basic essential. With all the different washes, cuts, styles and the fact that some are named after people, looking for your go-to pair becomes an all-out quest, riddled with confusion and anguish. A day of jeans shopping is enough to make any girl swear off pants for good and replace her wardrobe with your standard black leggings (because, let's be honest, they're so much easier).

But if you pushed through the pain long enough to find a decent pair of jeans, chances are you've went through these 11 emotional stages every lady has experienced when discovering new denim.

1. Blocking Out Past Memories and Starting Over
KermitYes, my last jean-shopping trip was a rough one. Throwing a pair at the mannequin that looked way too good in them probably didn't help either. But I'm putting all of that behind me and starting fresh. It's a whole new season, which means new jeans! I'm bound to find a pair that actually fits, right? Right?!

2. Feeling Enthralled but Somewhat Intimidated by Wall-to-wall Jeans
stephen colbertOkay, so there is quite an extensive collection here. Maybe a little too much... Where do I start? What's the difference between skinny jeans and jeggings? Don't both suffocate your legs equally? What the heck is a midi? Can jeans actually be low-high rise? What is life right now?!

3. Grabbing Every Style, Cut and Wash You Can Find
confusedJust grab them all. Take all the ones in your size and put them in your little bag. Don't let them see the fear in your eyes.

4. Facing the Dreaded Dressing Room
selena gomezWe can do this. Alright dressing room, you and your lying mirror won't bring me down today. I am on a mission, and it will be a success. It's just a room, right? We got this.

5. Taking a Deep Breath and Trying Them All on
kerry washingtonOkay, so I took 15 pairs of jeans. But no matter, no one is waiting for this dressing room, so I'll just try them all on. Even if this takes me a year, I'm leaving here with a pair of jeans.

6. Ignoring the Fact That One Inevitably Won't Button
smhI don't get it; they're all the same size? Is this particular pair lying to me, because it's apparently my size, yet both legs are the width of my thigh. I can't even get it past my calves. Have my calves really gotten that much bigger from that one time my friend forced me to go hiking last month?

7. Butt Looks Great, but Muffin Top for Days
ryan reynoldsMy butt totally rivals JLO's in these pants, but my stomach is bubbling over like a science experiment gone wrong. Why pants?! Why can't you just fit the whole person, instead of being so a**-centric?

8. Fits Around the Waist, but Your Thighs Are About to Explode
kim kardashianAre you kidding me? It finally fits around my waist, but my camel toe can be spotted from a block away. I swear, denim is the devil's material of choice.

9. Fits Every Part of You but Doesn't Hug You Enough
BeyonceThey're good, but something isn't right. They look like they're sagging...or that they will sag eventually. Am I just sagging? Am I just losing oxygen to the brain because of the tight confines of this tiny dressing room? Is this real life?

10. Finally, After Sifting Through the World's Supply of Jeans and Fighting Back the Bitter Sting of Tears, You've Found the Holy Grail Pair
yasHERE IT IS! MY GOODNESS, IT EXISTS! If Grecian goddesses wore jeans, just call me the boot cut Aphrodite!

11. Looking at the Price Tag Like...
john stewart


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