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What Do We Really Mean, Girls?

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I remembered how I reacted the first time I listened to Justin Bieber's new song "What Do You Mean?". I not only smiled, but I also laughed a little. I laughed at how relatable it is to me, to us, and how he got me, got us, women, good. Like, really, really good.

The lyrics reminded me of what John Gray says in his book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. John says, "Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment. Women and men have different communication styles, that's why, most of the times there will be misunderstanding in their communication."

Justin and his fellow "Martians" (that's what John calls men) often get confused and don't know what to do or what to say when we (or as we could say, Venusians) say something while we don't even know "what do we mean." Maybe John was right; we should stop pretending that we are even from same planet. Even if this sounds like gender generalization or stereotyping, I believe this is true.

Maybe we need a translator to communicate with each other. Men feel the need to be trusted and admired, while women have the need to be adored, loved and feel special. We, as women, generally listen to all of our man's problems, so we expect that when we talk about our problems, our man would exactly do the same thing - listening to our problems and giving solutions.

Most women are more sensitive than most men. In his book, John also states, "A woman's self-esteem generally rises and falls in a cycle... not necessarily in sync with her menstrual cycle, but it does average out at twenty-eight days." Some differences between individuals are related to their personality, temperament and the social influences of their family and society; John argues that gender differences are caused primarily by brain and hormonal differences. Men think logically while women feel.

I believe women think and act the worst when we are being hormonal (mainly around PMS week); we feel fragile yet so mad and sad in a way that we can't explain to men. We demand the men make us feel special because we were willing to do it for them. That's where we are wrong. We expect. Women tend to expect. We want them to feel what we feel. When we didn't get what we expect, then we get mad and feel ignored, unheard and unloved.

This brings my thoughts to other Justin song with Skrillex and Diplo, "Where Are U Now?". It makes me feel like singing, "Where are you now that I need you?" out loud. If we don't expect that much and think clearly, probably none of this would happen. Like when we want someone to call us, and he doesn't even know that we want him to call, he probably would say, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Women unknowingly tend to blame men and make them feel guilty for their actions. I know this very well because sometimes, I do it, too. Sometimes I give the silent treatment for a week or so, expecting my man to apologize and know exactly what he is sorry for. But then I remember that my male friends are from different planet and will try to relax and cooperate with the differences instead of resisting or trying to change them.

I feel better when I can talk this out with my mom, little sister and female friends - both real and Internet friends. For me, having tea, writing and doing yoga calm me down. Ice cream or shopping help, too. To Justin and his fellow Martians, on behalf of Venusian nation, I'd like to say, "Sorry that we got you guys confused most of the times. Keep writing about us. We like that we inspired you and are the center of attention."
(Cambio Col[lab] is a lab for young creators to showcase their passion and develop their voice. Like what you're seeing? Share it to support their effort!)


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