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My Biggest Fear: The Inner Thoughts of an 18-Year-Old Girl

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I lay in bed at 1 a.m. with eyes wide-open in a panic. My heart is racing, and drops of perspiration trickle down my forehead. I know I'm only 18 years old, but I find myself worrying about the future. The fear creeps in late at night when I have too much time to think.

There are a few big things on my bucket list that I want to accomplish. I feel pressured each day to get at least get one step closer to fulfilling my dreams. Is there enough time to get to everything I want to do? Am I being overly ambitious? I want to fall in love, travel the world and have a career where I'm both happy and successful. My biggest fear is not being able to achieve these goals.

Falling in love is something that should be so simple, yet we make it so complicated, especially in today's society. We define love by whether or not you receive a "goodnight text" or whether or not he likes the selfie that you posted on Instagram. People are rarely asked on actual dates to the movies or to go ice skating or even simply to order-in Chinese food. Oftentimes people are unaware of "what they are" or where they stand in a relationship because the status of the relationship isn't discussed. It just makes love confusing and stressful. All of the movies portray love at first sight and meeting someone whom you want to spend the rest of their lives with and marry. It is a custom in America to get married in your late 20s or early 30s and start a family; it's basically expected out of you. As I get older, and still don't have a boyfriend, I start to worry. Will I ever fall in love? I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but what if I never find someone?
being the best employer to your nannyIn addition to finding my soulmate, there is so much of the world that I want to see, yet every day I'm restricted to attending the same college, in the same state, with the same people. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without having first-hand experience or knowledge of exploring foreign lands aside from what I've seen in photographs or on television. I want to venture out in to the world and dine at an elegant pizzeria with outdoor seating in Rome, go scuba diving amongst the exotic sea creatures in Belize and hike up the Stairway to Heaven in Hawaii, enjoying the breathtaking view of the island below.

I've only been on a plane once, to Las Vegas, when I was just 3 years old. Besides that trip, my family never went on big vacations. We took road trips to the Jersey Shore and even went to Boston, which are some of my favorite memories, but I want to travel to places hundreds of thousands of miles away and be exposed to cultures completely different than my own. It is horrifying to think I may never have the chance or money to travel to these places as I grow up. I feel like I deserve to see the rest of world that I live in, but is it realistic?

Right now, being in college is pretty stress-free, but what happens after this? I'm going to have to start a career to be able to eventually buy a house and even support a family. I'm used to sleeping in on weekends and watching Spongebob in my pajamas all day and randomly belting out One Direction lyrics. I may legally be considered an adult, but I'm nowhere near being a grown up. In my mind, I'm still convinced I'm still a 10-year-old, but soon, I'm going to have to take on adult responsibilities and find a job.

This is terrifying because not only is finding a solid career hard in today's world, but to be happy in life, you have to find a career that you enjoy. I'm currently studying communications and music industry in college and would be thrilled to find a job related to those fields, but what if I can't? My parents always told me it is important to do work that I love, but it isn't that easy. It's great to work for something you're passionate about, but you also need to make enough money to live comfortably. There has to be a balance. Many factors play in to finding a career such as location, pre-requisites, and even luck and timing. Being happy is my ultimate goal and there are no guarantees, which worries me. I just hope it all works out.

Thinking about the future and wanting to achieve so many different things can be overwhelming, but I have to remember to live in the moment, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm in college, and I'm young. I have to embrace this time in my life; it only comes around once. Enjoying the journey is so important because that is what life is all about. If I keep being kind to others, working hard and pursuing my passions, everything will fall in to place.
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