What Not to Wear: Stuffing our Faces Edition
Here's an example. A few years ago, I lost a bunch of weight and decided to "reveal" my weight loss at a family gathering on Thanksgiving. This meant I went out and bought a fantastic corset top and a skirt, which fit me like a glove. The problem was that as soon as I sat down for dinner at grandma's house, the corset immediately let me know that, clearly, I was an idiot. Not only did it pinch me in all the wrong places, but by the end of the night, I'd managed to make myself feel like...well, like this:
A form-fitting corset probably isn't the best thing to wear to a nice holiday dinner party. Maybe that's common sense (it wasn't to me, at the time...sigh), but there's also a few other styles of clothing you might want to save for a non-holiday-meal occasion when the chances of ingesting a lot of cranberry sauce and pie isn't necessarily on the agenda.
Avoid Wearing a White Dress or One With Flowy/belled Sleeves
I've also done this before. I wore a really cute white lace dress to Thanksgiving last year because it was cute and on sale. It stayed cute...because I was so heart-wrenchingly paranoid the entire night that I was going to spill wine/pie/gravy on it. I would've much rather not worried about staining a white dress or dragging sleeves through pumpkin pie. Sigh.
Ditto to Jumpsuits/rompers
I have a love/hate relationship with these anyway, and it's been complicated for a few years now. Since Google claims these are going to be trendy for a while, we really need to work on our timing. Just like wearing it to a one-bathroom venue on a busy Saturday night, these aren't going to be fun to wear to a family gathering. Think about it. There's a good chance it would create an awkward bathroom situation (I mean, you gotta get basically naked to go pee while wearing one). We all have those family members that don't know how to knock, and inevitably Aunt So-And-So won't have a functioning lock. So...you're welcome.
Nix Anything Tailored/form-fitting
Just like my epic failure choosing a corset top, you'll want to avoid anything that doesn't allow a little stretch (c'mon, you know you're going to eat a lot of bloat-worthy carbs, don't play). Forget those adorable thick denim pants that fit just right and any kind of shapewear whatsoever (if you like breathing, anyway). If you got granny panties, rock them like you mean business.
Forget About Long Necklaces + Dangling Bracelets
Unless you want to pick up some of those mashed potatoes and save them for later, we'd skip any bauble that might cause a food-shoveling situation. I have been known to casually scoop up bread rolls in my bracelets before. It's not cute, you guys.
About the Shoe Situation...Stick With Flats
All the better to hug your tiny grandmas with, my dear. Heels aren't going to be really comfortable to stand in for hours at a time while you're catching up on the latest gossip by the dessert table.
Above All Else, Do not, Under any Circumstance, Wear a Plunging Neckline
Think of it as like having a slip-n-slide for turkey to ride down into your bra. I'm not speaking from experience here. Or am I? Just take my word for it, ladies.