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Friendzoning: A Necessary Evil

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Friend-zoning is a common thing nowadays. It's when someone really likes you, but you just don't care for him/her in that way. There really shouldn't be a problem with saying that you just want to be friends. Being friends with someone is just as wonderful as being in a relationship with him/her. Just because you're not making out and holding hands doesn't mean you can't still have a great time together!

Here's the thing: People who get friend-zoned don't realize that the person doing the friend-zoning is just as hurt as they are. If it truly is a great friendship with mutual feelings of respect and happiness, friend-zoning is tough on the person doing it. You're able to be affectionate and love a friend. Just because you don't want the romantic portion of a relationship doesn't mean you can't still be friends! Friends don't like to hurt each other's feelings, and this often leads to an awkward tension. Maybe you know you're not into him, but he's so head over heels in love with you that you delay the inevitable friend-zoning. And once you finally muster up the courage to tell him, you feel like a villain.

It is important to remember that it isn't your fault that you're not into him! It feels like total crap when you put someone down like that, but it would be worse if you indulged the person in a relationship that would then be only one-sided. If you don't put 100 percent into something, it won't be worth either of your time. Furthermore, it purely isn't fair to him. And, if he truly was your friend, why would you act unfairly toward him?

It is important that if you do friend-zone someone that you follow through with it. No flirty Snapchats, no kissy face emojis - don't lead him on. If you friend-zone someone and then send him a kissy face emoji, that is sending a very mixed signal. That can really mess with someone's head! Even worse than friend-zoning someone is taking him out of the friend zone and then putting him back in. Stick to your guns. If you would rather him be a friend, that's it, then he's just a friend. Don't confuse people!

Now, if YOU are the one being friend-zoned, don't be down on yourself. When someone friend-zones you, it isn't your fault! You didn't do anything wrong. You aren't ugly. You aren't fat. You aren't dumb. YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE. This is so important to remember. Immediately when someone gets friend-zoned, s/he asks what s/he did wrong. That is not what you should be asking. You should be asking, "What's next?" Pick your head up and move on (easier said than done, but you deserve better than a guy who just wants to be a friend!).

Another tough question is "Should I actually be his 'just friend?'" Answer: It is all up to your own judgment. It really depends on how intimate your relationship was before you were friend-zoned. If you were very close, it might be a good idea to take a break and step away for a while. If you find that you really still can't live without the person, as a friend that is, then go ahead and try to link up.

On the other hand, if you really weren't anything more than friends before the friend-zoning, go ahead and stay friends! Things won't be that much different if the person who did the friend-zoning nipped it in the bud early on in the relationship.

Overall, friend-zoning is a necessary evil. It is not fair to engage in a relationship where someone is always left wondering what could be and the other person knows nothing will happen. Rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with if a friend of yours is interested in you and you're not into him/her. And, if you're friend-zoned, don't play the "self-blame game," it's not you!

(Cambio Col[lab] is a lab for young creators to showcase their passion and develop their voice. Like what you're seeing? Share it to support their effort!)


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