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It's Okay to not Be Okay

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It's as simple as that. You do not have to be satisfied with every single aspect in your life, as much as you wish you could and pretty much everyone else could, it's nearly impossible. Something is always bound to happen. Staying positive is something that can be so easily said, but it is one of the hardest things to do and I'm just learning that myself.

Time caught up to me quickly, and I decided to apply for college at 23 when my friends from high school where about to graduate. It was my choice; I'm not unhappy with my choice. I knew I wasn't ready mentally to put my all into school, so why put all this money into something if I'm not going to try my hardest?

The fall of this year I started, I was so excited. In October, my health started to go downhill, with medical problems I have dealt with before (which I have also written about before), and I had to take a medical withdrawal from school. I told my friends, you know it's okay; I'll be here in the spring back and better than ever. With a surgery planned, I was ready to just get it done as soon as possible because I just wanted to be back in school.

From late October until today, I unfortunately had to cancel the surgery I was originally supposed to undergo to randomly have my gallbladder removed. Yeah I know, can my body get it together? Which means I have to wait until January 12 to reschedule the original surgery, then after that, have another, which I'm sure you could guess what that means: School in the spring is now not a priority in my life unfortunately. I've told every single one of my friends that I'm not sad about not going back to school in the spring because I need to get my health straight, which is the truth, but by telling every friend I'm not sad, I realized how sad I truly am.

"It's okay not to be okay" is something I've been telling myself the past few weeks because as school is coming closer it is sinking in that again I will not be attending. I can not describe the amount of tears I've shed because of this realization, which is why I am writing this blog post.

When something impacts your life negatively, such as my health (for me), it is okay to be sad. I have every single right to be sad about the situation that I am in. People say they wouldn't change their lives for anything, I would change my life just to be healthy and be able to attend college comfortably, but I can say that I am on the right track to becoming better and that is all I can do at this point, make sure I am on the track to good health.

I am sure there is something in your life that you have dealt with, and you may have felt so impacted by it but you act like it doesn't affect you. That's what I did; I realized I was putting on a front. One thing we shouldn't do is put on a front because that leads us to acting as if our issue is not there, though we let it engulf us and slowly it will take us down. I want to make a pact that I will not let any issue of mine affect me like this one has. I need to take initiative on issues that I face - we all do - but it's not easy.

A pact that needs to be made with myself and yourself or someone you know is that when you have an issue that truly affects you deep within your core, the sadness or anger that you may feel from it, it needs to be addressed. Don't tell your friends you're okay because at the end of the day, you're going to go home and just act like that issue is not there when it will always linger. Make sure to tell your friends the issues that you're facing. They're your friends for a reason to help you in hard times, cry to them, talk with them. I can guarantee you that they will be more than willing to give you a shoulder to cry on or words of wisdom that who knows, may stick with you forever.
It is okay not to be okay. But when you feel that you need to confide in someone, do so. It does not make you weak. Again, we - your family, your friends and even I - are here for you. I may be a stranger, but I am more than willing to hear you out and give you some words of wisdom that have worked for me. Or I can simply let you tell me your issue and I don't have to address it, expressing yourself is important, and I am more than willing to partake in stories/issues/daily life messages that you are willing to share. You can inform me if you'd like for me to answer or if you'd like to just rant to me because that also helps. Everything will be okay; take deep breaths and take on the world.

If you click on my name up at the top of this post it will take you to another page with my Instagram and Twitter. If you'd like to stay anonymous, I'll attach my Tumblr down here; though Tumblr for me is just a place of stupid memes and funny pictures. I'm more than willing to accept anonymous messages on there, and if you do contact me through Tumblr anonymously, be sure to let me know if you would like any input or if you're just venting! But write away, I'm here to listen!

Tumblr: http://wishfulthinke-r.tumblr.com

Also Jessie J's "Who You Are" is the song that brought me to the statement "It's okay not to be okay."
(Cambio Col[lab] is a lab for young creators to showcase their passion and develop their voice. Like what you're seeing? Share it to support their effort!)

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