Time caught up to me quickly, and I decided to apply for college at 23 when my friends from high school where about to graduate. It was my choice; I'm not unhappy with my choice. I knew I wasn't ready mentally to put my all into school, so why put all this money into something if I'm not going to try my hardest?
The fall of this year I started, I was so excited. In October, my health started to go downhill, with medical problems I have dealt with before (which I have also written about before), and I had to take a medical withdrawal from school. I told my friends, you know it's okay; I'll be here in the spring back and better than ever. With a surgery planned, I was ready to just get it done as soon as possible because I just wanted to be back in school.
From late October until today, I unfortunately had to cancel the surgery I was originally supposed to undergo to randomly have my gallbladder removed. Yeah I know, can my body get it together? Which means I have to wait until January 12 to reschedule the original surgery, then after that, have another, which I'm sure you could guess what that means: School in the spring is now not a priority in my life unfortunately. I've told every single one of my friends that I'm not sad about not going back to school in the spring because I need to get my health straight, which is the truth, but by telling every friend I'm not sad, I realized how sad I truly am.
"It's okay not to be okay" is something I've been telling myself the past few weeks because as school is coming closer it is sinking in that again I will not be attending. I can not describe the amount of tears I've shed because of this realization, which is why I am writing this blog post.
When something impacts your life negatively, such as my health (for me), it is okay to be sad. I have every single right to be sad about the situation that I am in. People say they wouldn't change their lives for anything, I would change my life just to be healthy and be able to attend college comfortably, but I can say that I am on the right track to becoming better and that is all I can do at this point, make sure I am on the track to good health.
I am sure there is something in your life that you have dealt with, and you may have felt so impacted by it but you act like it doesn't affect you. That's what I did; I realized I was putting on a front. One thing we shouldn't do is put on a front because that leads us to acting as if our issue is not there, though we let it engulf us and slowly it will take us down. I want to make a pact that I will not let any issue of mine affect me like this one has. I need to take initiative on issues that I face - we all do - but it's not easy.
A pact that needs to be made with myself and yourself or someone you know is that when you have an issue that truly affects you deep within your core, the sadness or anger that you may feel from it, it needs to be addressed. Don't tell your friends you're okay because at the end of the day, you're going to go home and just act like that issue is not there when it will always linger. Make sure to tell your friends the issues that you're facing. They're your friends for a reason to help you in hard times, cry to them, talk with them. I can guarantee you that they will be more than willing to give you a shoulder to cry on or words of wisdom that who knows, may stick with you forever.
If you click on my name up at the top of this post it will take you to another page with my Instagram and Twitter. If you'd like to stay anonymous, I'll attach my Tumblr down here; though Tumblr for me is just a place of stupid memes and funny pictures. I'm more than willing to accept anonymous messages on there, and if you do contact me through Tumblr anonymously, be sure to let me know if you would like any input or if you're just venting! But write away, I'm here to listen!
Also Jessie J's "Who You Are" is the song that brought me to the statement "It's okay not to be okay."